


Pushed

by juliesioux



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, F/M, Grief, Love, Love Confessions, Sadness, Soul-Searching, Soulmates, olicity - Freeform, olicity angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6116010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliesioux/pseuds/juliesioux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Episode 415, this is a short three part fic that looks at how Felicity and Oliver cope with their separation.<br/>It also provides a possible pathway forward which is all speculation.</p><p>But first, we begin with Felicity and a glimpse into her heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Felicity

**Felicity**

_One step at a time_  
_she stumbles through the galaxy_  
_tripping over moons._

 

For a moment she wavered. Her legs, still building strength and stamina, wobbled ever so briefly under her and she wondered if her miracle was fading. After a moment, she straightened her back and squared her shoulders, determined to remain standing even in the face of the hurricane of grief that pushed at her every time she tried to move.

The bruise on her heart was fluid and alive with thunderous hurt. Not a day had gone by since she rose up out of her wheelchair and walked out of her home that she didn’t stop a moment, not a long one but a necessary one, and breathed through the constricting vice that had left welts and tracks of sorrow in her soul.

Felicity stood staring out of her office window and slowly lost touch with the passage of time. She wasn’t one to dwell, but she found herself walking backwards through time. Reliving moments that she should have long since buried. Seeing his face and hearing his voice, good times merged with the bad until she didn’t know what happened when in the tricky labyrinth of her memory.

With a shake of her head, she snapped herself back to attention and noticed that the sun was close to setting. Somehow, an entire day had passed while she stood and watched her life ebb into darkness. Time was not making this easier and the powerful pull of of sorrow made her chest hurt. She felt hollowed out, empty and alone.

With a sigh, she sat back down behind her desk and turned her attention to her computer monitor and the screen full of numbers and columns. Work still needed to be done and Palmer Tech needed to survive. After a moment, the screen blurred and the light in the office refracted and intensified around the edges of her vision.

Silently, Felicity closed her eyes, bowed her head and waited for the storm to pass. She was always grateful that the tears came when she was alone so that she didn’t need to explain to anyone the reasons for why they fell. She would just allow her heart to release the pain and move on with her day.

Her shoulders shook and she held onto herself as best she could to contain the sobs and felt the pulsing push of loneliness deep inside her soul. For a moment, a tender, sweet moment, she felt the insistent pressure of his arms around her and the scent of him surrounded her and she breathed it in. Breathed him in until her lungs felt they were about to burst.

She had asked for space but felt that she had instead fallen into the abyss. Her days had no real official beginning or end anymore. They simply were and Felicity could find no heartbeat within them to give them life or direction. She did her job, she smiled when needed and made a point to interact with Curtis but otherwise she surrendered herself to the haze that pushed in from the edges of her new reality.  
There was no going back, she reminded herself, only going forward. Her heart had yet to steer her wrong but it didn’t lessen the ache that haunted her sleep and pressed down on her body during her waking hours. She was no longer angry with him. That maelstrom had long since passed. She knew he wasn’t ready to be the partner he wanted to be and she couldn’t help him this time. He needed to find his way on his own.

Wearily, she gathered up her purse and coat and headed for the elevator. The Star City Fairmont had become her temporary home while she sorted through the layers of hurt in her mind and heart. The loft was too full of memories that no longer held the pull of anything familiar, of anything close to the love filled moments shared in quiet intimacy with Oliver.

Maybe the room service will be better tonight and they will have mint chip ice cream, she thought as she watched the floors fall away, maybe I’ll sleep without waking up a hundred times.

She felt the pain of betrayal pushing at her heart and slumped against the cold metallic walls of the elevator. She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to find that secret space they had created together to escape the violence of the world they lived in. That gentle, tender space that held all the meaning of the life they were creating together until...they weren’t.

She suddenly had this crazy idea that she could turn her grief into a garden. That every tear could become a flower or a tree or a bush and she could cultivate her pain back into something beautiful. Something that could smooth this troubling journey back she found herself alone on back to one of joyful tranquility joined to his.

Instead, she walked down a quiet hallway to an empty room. A flood of tears flowed over her cheeks and splashed onto the front of her jacket. Blindly, she entered her hotel room and sank down to the floor as she bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop her mournful sobs. She pressed her hand to her heart and tried to breathe through the agony of regret. She wasn’t sure what hurt more: the bruises on her heart or the pain of missing him.

A soft knock on the door brought her back to reality.

“One minute,” she called, her voice thick and muffled from crying.

Wiping her eyes and cheeks free from the mascara that had run down her cheeks, she quickly grabbed her wallet and searched for a tip for the room service delivery. She couldn’t even remember when she ordered or what but she hoped it was good.

“Just roll it in here,” she said while ducking her head so the hotel staff couldn’t see her swollen eyes and red nose.

She could smell roasted chicken and something rich and buttery. Whatever she had selected had the comforting, aromatic smell of home. Maybe dinner wouldn’t be so bad after all, she thought.

When no response came, she looked up into Oliver’s cerulean blue eyes. His face was lined with apprehension and tired grief. She remained rooted to the spot even though every nerve in her body was screaming for her to reach out to him.

Oliver never failed to take her breath away but now, as he stood in the shadowy light of the hotel’s hallway, she understood something to be true: she had known him before she met him and now she needed to see if he would meet her halfway on the bridge they were building back to each other.

“Hey,” he said softly, his arms loaded with containers full of food.  
“Hey,”she whispered through the fog of her tears. After a moment’s hesitation,she stepped aside and watched the light accompany him in.


	2. Oliver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Oliver's POV post 415 and Felicity's insistence of space. Even though they are not living in the same space, they are uniquely in sync and thinking about the same things.
> 
> It is totally my head canon and speculation but I wanted to spend some time in Oliver's brain and see if I could figure out his path back to Felicity.

**Oliver**

_In the surrounding darkness_   
_a tiny ember glows_   
_and all his hope resides within it._

He left the Lair after a night of patrols and chasing Ghosts just to get a breath of fresh air and chanced a glance up at the sky. The moon had risen early, full and bright, and stared down at him making him feel small and full of regret. Closing his eyes in an attempt to hide from the ancient gaze of the stars above, he felt the weight of all his decisions that ended with Felicity leaving.

There was an ache in his chest that threatened to cleave him in two when he thought of the last time he saw her. The ache was bone deep and pushed with razor edges through his body and soul. He made room for it, welcomed it in and began the task of pushing back on it to remove it once and for all. The only way he could heal the wound would be to let it scar over.

He felt like he was floating a galaxy away from her and the harder he tried to reach her, the further they drifted apart. He had to try, he knew he had to try, but the effort was pushing him past his ability to function. He wanted to fix what he had done but the path wasn’t clear and until it was, he would let himself drift.

Oliver had no clear idea what day it was anymore. He simply existed on the fringes of his life in an attempt to regroup and find his centre or a moment of clarity. He closed his eyes and cast his consciousness out to find it and felt himself surfacing. He could see the way forward for an instant and reached to hold onto it but it exploded in blinding light and crashed and pounded around his head. The pain was beyond the worst migraine he had ever had, it was all encompassing agony that exploded into a shower of embers that threatened to burn his world to ash.

Eventually the pain eased and the pounding softened in his head. Oliver knew this was his opportunity to start fresh, to make the distinction between simply being and being an active player in his own future. He had to find the space, not just in his orbit but on the desert island he continued to call home, for her. She was more than just his rock, his touchstone, the one person he knew could see his true self. She pushed him to be better, to strip away layers of grief and embrace life with a fierce and unrelenting joy. She had brought love into his life at the most unexpected moment and he repaid that gift by betraying her trust.

A honking horn snapped Oliver back to the reality. Out of force of habit he had walked the ten blocks home and found himself in front of their apartment building. He hadn’t been back in days but his body had walked him home. He made himself sit down on the bench outside the front door of the building as his legs betrayed him and started to shake beneath him. Oliver sat for a moment with his head in his hands and focused on his breath.

He closed his eyes and sought a moment of peace before walking through the doors of the home they once shared. He knew the walls held their shared memories and the empty spaces would echo with her voice. He could hear her in his mind patiently explaining that while he was afraid of love and the trust needed to truly be her partner, that love was not afraid of him.

He felt waves of grief and regret roll through him causing his chest to constrict with a hollowness that left him breathless. He missed her with every cell in his body but needed the bruises on his heart to heal before he could feel anything other than the fear that encircled it. He knew he could feel more, that his heart was ready for so much more, but he hung onto his hurt as a way to define himself.

And he let her down by hiding behind it like it could shield him from the world she was showing him.

With a deep sigh, Oliver made his way up to the loft. He couldn’t bring himself to call it home anymore, not without her there, and walked through the door into the now cold space was like a punch in the gut. He could still smell her shampoo and the body wash she had brought home from Bali. She was everywhere he looked. He took a deep breath and let her invade his body, he filled up his lungs until he thought they would burst.

Oliver walked slowly through the living room, trailing his hands lightly over the couch and felt instead the softness of her skin on the nights they spent wrapped around each other, oblivious to the rest of the world. He saw her wheelchair, still sitting beside the dining room table, and felt a stab of grief that pushed the tender memories of her out into the atmosphere.

The weight of the flood of memories that pummeled him, forced him to sit down. His shoulders slumped and he buried his face in his hands. There was no relief, no break, from the hurt that was both caused and felt. He lost his son and his life on the same day and understood that he was the only one who could change the path his journey was now taking. For a while he sat and let the hurt flow out of him.

When the tears stopped, he looked around at the reflecting walls, Oliver accepted that he had to be gentle with himself as he found his way home to himself. He had lied but those lies no longer drew any power as they weren’t believed by the one person he should never have told them to. His world was a series of endings but not this time. Her love was everything he had ever lost coming home to him.

Maybe that is the answer, he thought, maybe the way back is to build the bridge and wait for her to reach across. To show her that I trust her enough to wait.

For one crazy moment he thought maybe the winds of the universe, the ones that danced between them, would help them flow towards one another on the moving sea between them. He knew that the sorrow that rested heavy in his heart simply masked the truth of trust that would guide him. When he looked around the empty loft, all he saw was a desert that used to be a garden full of love, life and joy.

Without her, his life was empty. The vacuum of space held more matter and sound in it then his waking hours. The team was giving him space to simply be and he was grateful but that didn’t lessen the sting of knowing the world of hurt he had inflicted on Felicity out of nothing more than the fear of losing her. Especially when it was she who had located all the pieces of his shattered heart and helped him piece it back together.

Enough is enough, he thought, she has been working nonstop and helping the team from Palmer Tech. She is just regaining her strength and needs to look after herself.

Oliver took off his jacket and headed for the kitchen. If there was one thing that could help clear his mind was cooking. It was his safe haven and source of peace. It was time for him to extend his hands and heart across that bridge they needed to build. He had loved her from the moment his heart first heard her love song and the happiness it introduced into his life sometimes made him tremble. He needed to repair the damage through action and dedication not sitting in a darkened loft alone.

Forty five minutes later, carrying two bags full of containers of hot food, cutlery, plates and a bottle of wine, Oliver softly closed the loft door behind him and headed to the Star City Fairmont. While cooking dinner, he had an epiphany and hoped against hope that he wasn’t making a mistake. It was late but not too late and he knew she was probably just getting in.

A short time later, as he made his way through the hotel lobby and up to her floor, Oliver took a moment to take a deep breath and calm his jangled nerves. He heard movement on the other side of the door as he raised his hand to knock and almost lost his nerve.

Tentatively, he knocked and waited. He heard a muffled voice, one full of so much sorrow he felt it like a push on his chest, say, “One minute.”

“Just roll it in here,” Felicity said while as she tried to hide her face so he couldn’t see her swollen eyes and red nose from behind a partially opened door.

The sight of her and the sadness that flowed around her rooted him to the spot and so, with a sudden inner calm that he hadn’t felt for days, he waited for her to look up.

Felicity never failed to take his breath away but now, as he stood in the shadowy light of the hotel’s hallway, he felt like he was seeing her for the first time. The light from the room framed her slight silhouette like a corona around the sun and he knew he had made the right decision: she was his rock, his foundation and his hope for a life lived in open trust and honesty. They could build the bridge back to one another in time.

“Hey,” he said softly, feeling the heat from the food containers.  
“Hey,”she whispered in a hoarse, tear strained voice. After a moment’s hesitation,she stepped aside and welcomed him in.


	3. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter (in three parts) of my head canon of them reconnecting and finding their way back to one another.  
> Felicity and Oliver understand one another with and without words but here, Oliver uses food and love to reach Felicity. While she uses her mind and heart to understand him and welcome him home.
> 
> This got long. Long and smutty. I apologize for nothing so I hope it makes sense and you enjoy reading it.

**The Bridge**

_Feather light touches_   
_carrying the weight of the universe_   
_free them of the past._

 

I

 

Oliver crossed the threshold into the hotel suite she now called home and was struck by how cold and empty it felt. Her makeup and nail polish littered every surface in the room, her clothes were hanging over the backs of chairs and her shoes were lined up by the door just like at the loft. All of that, the evidence of her touching the surface of the rooms she was renting, but the air was cool and empty of life.

Clearing a space on the small dining table, Oliver carefully put down the two bags containing the dinner he hoped she would agree to share with him. Taking a deep breath he turned towards her and waited to see if she would close the door or ask him to leave.

“You brought dinner?” Felicity asked quietly from the shadow of the doorway.  
“I...I thought you might enjoy food not ordered from room service,” he was careful with his answer because he still wasn’t sure if she would allow him to stay.  
“Is there enough for two?”  
“Yes,” he answered and allowed himself to breathe.

Felicity finally released her hold on the door and allowed it to close with a soft click. She hesitantly crossed the space between them and circled to the other side of the table. Oliver felt the gravity of her, that infinite pull of her orbit, as she passed by.

Tentatively, she peeked into one of the bags and then carefully eyed him.  
“You made your hollandaise sauce, didn’t you?”  
“Yeah, I had the eggs and the lemons,” he chuckled.

The next few minutes were spent in relative easy silence as Felicity set the table and Oliver unpacked and plated the food. His hands shook a little bit as he opened the bottle of wine and he almost dropped it as he was pouring it into the small glasses Felicity had found in the small kitchenette. He silently chided himself on being nervous like a teenager but being this close to her after not seeing her for the past week was overwhelming.

“Oliver,” she said, “this chicken is amazing.”

His heart stopped momentarily at the sound of her voice when she said his name. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the way his name sounded, the way she could create new definitions of it and breathe life into it, simply by saying it.

“It’s a recipe Raisa used to make when I was a kid,” he explained, “I couldn’t remember all the ingredients but I think I got it close to right.”  
“I don’t know what ingredients she used, but if this is close to being right, I don’t think I could handle the actual recipe,” she said between mouthfuls, “because this is incredible.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Oliver said as he cleaned up their plates after they were done eating.  
“I did,” she said quietly, “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome, Felicity.”  
“So...was stuffing me full of good food and wine the only reason you came here?” she asked hesitantly.

Oliver sat back down across the table from her and studied her face. Her eyes were clear and curious but she looked tired and drawn from all the late nights and early mornings. He was glad that he had made the decision to come here tonight even though what was about to happen next would not be easy for either of them.

“You know me too well, Ms. Smoak,” he smiled gently.  
“You are occasionally less than subtle,” she smiled back.

He could feel the weight of her sorrow pressing down on him as it joined his own and made it difficult to breathe. Taking a deep breath, Oliver launched into what had been pushing at him from the moment he walked into the room.

“I can’t change the mistakes I have made,” he began slowly as he searched for the right words, “I can’t apologize enough for how I treated you. I don’t actually think there are enough words in the English language for me to do that.”

Felicity winced everso slightly at the memory of what had pushed her out of the orbit they had so recently shared. She dropped her eyes to her hands and waited for him to continue.

Oliver, to his credit, didn’t see her reaction as a sign he was on the wrong track. He knew when she was uncomfortable and trying not to fidget, that she would look down in an effort to remain present. It was one of those endearing qualities that he loved so much about her. He let his shoulders relax and took another deep breath to calm his heartbeat. The hard part had yet to truly begin.

“I...I wasn’t sure if you would let me in,” he stammered, “I figured you’d accept the food though.”

Felicity smiled at him, “I would have to be crazy not to eat what you cook.”

For a moment, a brief and beautiful moment, they sat in an easy silence and just smiled. It was like a gust of fresh air had blown into the room and for just that one precious moment they were able to breathe in unison.

“I know that simply trying to be inclusive, honest and trying to trust isn’t enough. I know and I understand that trying doesn’t mean anything, it means less than nothing, if all that happens is I shut you out and hurt you,” Oliver’s voice shook just a tiny bit as he spoke. He hoped that she didn’t hear it, that he was able to keep his voice steady enough so that all she heard was the sincerity in his words.

Felicity kept her head bowed for the moment but he saw the first tear fall into her hands and all he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and hold her. He had failed her in such a profound and fundamental way though that he had lost that privilege for now. As determined as he was, he sensed he still needed to tread carefully. He didn’t know yet what the price of her forgiveness would be but he was determined to pay it.

“With you, I could see a future brighter than anything I thought I deserved. I...I let myself think that simply pushing forward, pushing through the past, that I was out running all the things that were chasing me, all the things that could make you leave. That was my biggest fear from the moment we left Starling. That something I had done in those five years away, or even from before I left on the yacht would...would drive a wedge between us.”

Felicity was looking at him now. She was no longer crying but her eyes were bright and shining. She had composed herself enough that she could look him in the eyes, past his defenses and directly at his true self. It was like it was her superpower, he thought. When she looked him directly in the eyes he felt stripped bare, unable to hide and yet he felt stronger in her presence.

“The fear that sometimes drives me is not something I can ask you to help me confront. I need to find my way through it, learn from it, so that I don’t repeat the same mistake over and over,” Oliver paused a moment and tried to gather the rest of his thoughts. He had practiced what to say on his way over but now, with her in front of him, he wondered if he would be able to say what he needed to.

“I love you, Felicity,” he continued in earnest, “that has never changed, it will never change. I can’t promise you that I won’t make mistakes in the future and I can’t ask you to forgive me for the ones that I have made. But...I am trying to do what is right, which is never easy,” he could feel himself faltering and looked down at his hands. Hands that had held hers, hands that had loved her and that had worshipped her sacred spaces. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he wasn’t sure how to say all that was in his heart.

There was a subtle shift in the air around him and he felt the softest of touches on his face. He opened his eyes and looked into hers. Her face was a mix of emotions. He saw love, sadness, an undercurrent of pain and anger but an openness had come to rest in her eyes. It gave him hope and courage to continue.

“Felicity, I know this is something I need to do, to be a better partner, a better person, but I want you to be part of that journey, too,” he said softly, “I want to be your partner in your life, our life, if you’ll still have me.”

His voice cracked as he finished speaking. He wasn’t sure if he had been eloquent enough to say all that he wanted and needed to so that she would understand. He felt adrift in her presence, like he was waiting for her to accept him back into her orbit. Oliver looked into her sapphire blue eyes and waited.

 

 

II

 

Felicity had been wary when she saw it was Oliver behind the door but decided to follow her instincts and let him stay. The aroma of the food, that primal pull of needing to satiate her hunger, combined with the surge of genuine happiness she felt being close to him again pushed her to her decision.

She was glad she did as the food was amazing, as always. He took great pride in his cooking and she was constantly amazed by the dishes he was able to create seemingly out of table scraps and thin air. Everyday in Ivy Town had been an adventure in the kitchen for them both. She remembered one day when she managed to make grilled cheese without burning the pan and how he had eaten it as though it were the most amazing thing he had ever put in his mouth. God, how she had loved him in that moment…

The bruises on her heart pushed those memories to the periphery of her mind. So much joy, love, and tenderness that they shared was resting on a precipice, dangerously close to being washed away. Yet here they sat, separated by a 3 foot table, enjoying a beautiful meal with wine as though her living in a hotel was normal. She felt the vice in her chest constrict but kept her face neutral as they cleaned up.

It’s time, she thought, I know he has something to say but he just needs a encouragement.

And so she asked him why he came. She expected him to apologize again. She expected him to justify in some way hiding his son from her for months again. Felicity expected him to try to find a way to explain it away. What she didn’t expect was for him to lay his soul bare and show her the path he had created to find his way through the fear, which had held him in its grip for so long, and back to her.

She felt the sting of tears when she heard his voice waver ever so slightly. She wanted him to say what he needed to without having to worry about what she might be feeling. Oliver wasn’t exactly at his most comfortable when he was diving deep into the well of his past and sharing his emotions. Felicity loved him and try as she might, she knew that she would leap over walls, jump and hurdle over fences to meet him even halfway, full of hope despite the darkness that currently surrounded them if she didn’t hold herself back.

When he faltered, she instinctively rose and went to him. Before she could stop herself, she gently traced the shape of his face with her fingertips. She missed the feel of his skin under her hands, the way he would close his eyes and surrender to her, she missed it all. So she quietly moved her chair next to his and waited for him to look at her.

When he finally met her gaze, she saw a glimpse of the fear he was fighting so hard to beat. It pulled at her heart but she kept herself steady and hoped he could see she was still listening to every word he was saying. Unconsciously, their hands sought each other as he finished what he needed to say and stared into her eyes, their fingers entwined.

He was trying to build the bridge back to her. One small step at a time he was walking towards her and she needed to decide if she could accept him as he was, regardless of potential hurt, she needed to decide if she still had faith in him. Her mind was working at the speed of light but her heart moved faster. He admitted that fear had controlled his actions, that losing her had shaken him enough to know that he had to push through that fear regardless of personal consequences.

“Oliver,” she began quietly, “remember that one day in Bali when we stayed in because of that storm that blew through?”  
“Yes,” he said smiling at the memory.  
“You told me about how through all those years away you away that you shut yourself off. You buried your heart and focused on surviving. I know how deeply you feel,” she leaned forward and gripped his hand tighter, “and I know that fear is what controlled you after Samantha made her ultimatum.”

Oliver dropped his eyes but she wasn’t finished.  
“Oliver, I love you,” she continued, “I truly, madly and deeply love you. I wasn’t sure what to expect when you came here to be honest. I actually thought you might grovel at my feet.”

He looked up at that comment and checked to see if she was kidding him or not. The twinkle in her eyes gave her away, she was sure of that, but it was reassuring to see his eyes shine back.

“I know you are trying and I know that you understand that the effort of trying wasn’t enough. I’m not accusing you of anything, I just...know that you were doing your best but my heart has taken so many hits…,” she trailed off as she remembered the dungeon in Nanda Parbat, the way he left to meet Ra’s on the mountain top, and all the proposals with the lie between them.

Oliver sat back as though pushed but she held onto his hands and refused to let him drift further away. She was about to make a huge leap and she needed him to be present in order to hear her.

“I know we both have our issues to work through, trust being the biggest of them but...,” she said softly so that he would have to lean closer to hear her, “If you are really ready to welcome me on your journey as you work through, not past, the fear, the self doubt and Oliverness of it all…”  
“I am,” Oliver said firmly.

Felicity looked into his eyes and saw a glint of steel and smiled.

“Ok,” she said, “Ok. I’ll meet you halfway but I need to be honest with you, Oliver.”  
“You rarely ever aren’t,” he chuckled and was rewarded with a quick but sweet smile from her.  
“I won’t always be able to dig for the truth if I sense you aren’t being completely forthcoming with me,” her voice was tinged with a deep sadness, “but I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I’ve tried the past few weeks and…I just can’t and I don’t want to.”

Oliver held his breath and felt a swirl of memories brush past him. The soft, golden light of the setting sun combined with the single lamp that was on created an atmosphere close to the one night they had shared together in Nanda Parbat. The night their souls sought each other out and finally joined and he felt like he had finally found his home.

“Felicity…,” he stammered.  
“Nope. Not yet, Mister,” she smiled, “I am not done talking.”

Oliver grinned at that comment and wisely chose to remain silent while she studied him for one long moment. She could see him visibly relax, like he had let go of some unseen weight once and for all. His eyes no longer had ripples of sadness in them, his shoulders weren’t pushed back but instead curved towards her and his smile finally felt free of the demons that roared in his mind.

“We have our work cut out for us, don’t we?” she asked with a gentle smile.  
“We do,” came his soft reply, “but if we can survive your mother’s cooking, we can survive anything.”

Laughing, Felicity reached for him and it was through this one simple embrace that the hurt and sorrow finally fell away. Felicity buried her head into his chest as her laughter slowly gave way to tears. She felt Oliver tremble and heard the quiet hitch in his breathing and knew he was crying with her. This cathartic release of the all the pain was not just an act of forgiveness and acceptance, it was as though they were washing away each other’s doubt and self-recriminations and finding faith in each other once again.

Oliver had not asked for forgiveness, that wasn’t what he was looking for, she acknowledged to herself, he was looking for me to meet him halfway on his journey so that he could meet me on mine. He finally gets what I meant before I walked out of our home.

“I’ve missed you, Oliver Queen,” she said in a low, hoarse voice.  
“I’ve missed you, Felicity Smoak.”

Tipping her head back, she looked up into his tear streaked face. As tenderly as she could, Felicity pulled his head down and kissed his cheeks as the last of his tears fell. She tasted their sweet saltiness on her lips and felt his breath on her neck. Oliver rested his forehead against hers and breathed a deep, contented sigh.

Felicity could feel the changing circular pattern he was tracing on her back with his hands. It felt like an electric shock running over her skin, trying to burrow down to her bones. There was no mistaking the heat it was creating between them. She opened her eyes and stared into eyes that could pass for thunderstorms. Lightning flashed between them and a wind as strong as a hurricane blew through the hotel suite. It was like the earth roared underneath their feet and the ever moving sea between them showed them the way back to each other’s shore.

 

 

III

 

Oliver tentatively pulled Felicity to her feet and wrapped her into a tight embrace. He held her so close that he could feel all of her pressed against him. She fit so perfectly in his arms despite their height disparity. He rested his head on top of hers and breathed her in. She smelled like coconuts and frangipani and that brought back memories of Bali and their easy time in the hot Indonesian sun.

He knew he might disappoint her in the future but she would never be caught by surprise again. He would include her every step of the way, even if the subject was complicated by the events of his past.

She tipped her head back to look at him, her eyes roamed over his face and just as he was about to ask her what she was searching for, she pulled him into a kiss. It was soft and gentle at first but he felt her smile as she used the tip of her tongue tease his mouth open. Oliver groaned into her and surrendered.

When they finally broke apart, breathless and clouded by desire, Oliver needed no words of encouragement from her, he simply picked her up and carried her into the bedroom where an enormous bed was waiting.

An image of her in the bed flashed before his eyes and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the absurdity of it. She was so small and the bed was the biggest one he had ever seen. It was also almost three and a half feet off the ground, making over half as tall as she was.

“How do you even get in it?” he laughed.  
“I have to jump up or climb it like a mountain,” Felicity choked out as she laughed along with him.  
“It’s...it’s ENORMOUS!”

Still laughing, Oliver turned around in order to sit on it and had to shimmy his way back as it was almost too tall for him. He paused to look at her as she stood, almost shyly, between his legs. She was radiant. The room was awash in shadows but she glowed in her pale pink dress. Even her hair shone with reflected light and it was all he could do to not pull her to him.

Instead he reached out his hands and waited for her to join him. They had been separated for almost three weeks and he was feeling surprisingly timid but with a small smile and nod of her head, she reached back and allowed him to draw her back into an intimate embrace.

For just a moment, they held one another. She stood between his legs and rested her head on his shoulder while he encircled her with his arms. She turned her head and he felt her lips and breath on his neck. It was like an electric shock that sent waves of fire coursing through his body.

He was focused on not moving too fast even though all he wanted to do was rip the dress from her body. Instead, he slowly unzipped it while her hands tugged up at the bottom of his shirt. He felt her hands travel up and over the ridges of muscle and scars on his back and he raised his arms so she could pull his shirt off.

“One day soon,” she murmured as she kissed the tattoo over his heart, “you need to tell me about this tattoo.”  
“I will tell you about it and so much more,” he managed to say before her hands travelled down his body and slipped under the waistband of his pants. He closed his eyes and lost himself to the touch of her hands.

They had had makeup sex in the past. Hot, frantic, full of passion sex that left them both with battle scars and gasping for air. She would dig into his skin with her nails and grip his body so hard with her legs she left bruises on his hips. Other times, he would pin her arms above her head and use his incredible strength to keep her still while thrusting into her so hard and fast that they would both climax with such force the bed would shake and threaten to break.

But this...this was different. He could feel it in the air, in the way she moved, the sound of her voice and the way she touched him. They were reconnecting with each other physically and emotionally, learning to trust each other again with their most secret and sacred parts. Oliver buried his face in her hair and slowly pushed her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor.

Slowly stepping out of the dress, and her shoes, Felicity undid his belt and unzipped his pants. He momentarily froze. He had no way to hide how much he wanted her, his erection was a living thing between them and his desire for her was threatening to overwhelm his senses completely.

“I think...I think you need to take off your pants, Oliver,” she said in a husky, low voice.  
“I think you’re right,” he chuckled, “I think you need to get naked, too.”

Felicity kissed him then. A deep, soul searching kiss where her tongue danced and moved around his and just when his mind threatened to dissolve in a state of pure ecstasy, she broke free from him and removed her bra and panties. In one swift movement, he removed his pants and underwear which elicited a laugh from Felicity.

“You are a magician when it comes to getting undressed!”  
“It’s a trick I learned in grade school when I was in Boy Scouts for all of five minutes.”

Felicity, who had been reaching for him, stopped cold and stared at him in shock.

“You...were in the BOY SCOUTS!?!”  
“I’ll tell you about that after the Bratva tattoo.”  
“Before.”  
“After.”  
“B-E-F-O-R-E.”  
“Ok, ok,” he laughed, “Before.”  
“Good answer.”

And then her lips were on his and she carefully tried to crawl up into his lap. She was very specifically not coming into contact with his very hard cock and he was growing dizzy with desire. He ran his hands down her body and gripped her under her thighs and lifted her up onto the bed and his lap.

It was then that he felt the hot, wet length of her and groaned. She straddled him now and slowly moved her hips in a languid series of circular patterns. She held his face in her hands, which forced him to look her in the eyes while she continued to move against him. After three weeks away from her, he wasn’t sure how long he would last.

“Felicity…,” he gasped, “You know what happens when you make me wait.”  
“This is for not telling me you were in the Boy Scouts,” she whispered against his lips and then kissed him until all he could do was hold onto her.

Reaching between their bodies, Felicity gently grasped him and guided him into her with one smooth push and he gasped at the way her body felt wrapped around him. He laid back on the bed and watched her as she slowly dragged her body up and down his throbbing hard length. He was able to reach up and caress her body until the combined stimuli pushed her too close to her release, so she held onto his hands and slowed her hips.

It struck him then, this was the first time they had made love since she regained the use of her legs. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and sat up in order to stop her from moving.  
“What? Is everything ok?” she asked as she recovered her breath.  
“Yes, more than fine. It’s just…”  
“Oliver? What?”  
“This is the first time we’ve...I mean, we did before but now this is the first time…”  
“Oh my God, Oliver. I am the one that usually does rambles on in incomplete sentences,” she laughed as she continued to gently move her body against his.  
“Your biometric implant,” he gasped as she gently sucked and licked the pulse point below his right ear.  
“Oh...OH! Right! Well, my legs still get tired and shaky, but otherwise everything seems to be in working order.”  
“Felicity?”  
“Hmmmm?” she murmured as she kissed his neck again.  
“I love you.”  
Felicity looked at him and smiled, “I love you, too.”

He laid back down and watched her as she continued to control the way they were connected. It was magical. She didn’t need to thrust or move hard up and down his cock to drag him with her towards the point of no return. The combined view of her and the growing pressure uncoiling in his spine as her body got grew hotter and tighter around him was more than enough.

“Oh God,” she moaned, “Oliver…”  
“Come with me, baby,” he gasped.

He felt her shudder and then she squeezed him somehow deep inside as her orgasm ripped through her like a thunderstorm. He could have sworn lightning flashed in her eyes as the air around them filled with a static charge. In a few short, grinding pulses of her hips, Oliver felt himself tumble headlong into his own release. He gripped her hips and felt his mind splinter into a billion pieces as he erupted within her in one long, hot stream. He felt dissolved, shattered, renewed.

All because he discovered the way to her was through himself.

“Oh...Felicity…,” he groaned, “You are a Goddess.”

She was unable to answer as his orgasm had triggered another one in her. This time, she grabbed onto him as she lost touch with her body and cried out in ecstasy. He helped her ride the powerful surge within her and held her when she sank down onto his chest.

“Oliver?”  
“Hmmm?”  
“If I said I can’t feel my legs, you would know I was speaking facetiously, right?”  
“That depends.”  
“On what?”  
“What ‘facetiously’ means.”  
Her laugh rumbled up and through him and it felt like pure joy come to life.

Eventually, they made their way to the shower and managed to not get too distracted by their recovering and waiting bodies. The shower was also a sauna, so they sat and talked until the heat made them both drowsy. Oliver told her about his time as a Boy Scout and how he had hated every minute of it, while she regaled him with tales of how she kept trying to get into space camp and getting caught.

Without even thinking about it, they crawled into her bed together. It was like sleeping on a cloud. He gathered her in his arms and sighed in pure contentment.

“So...what merit badges did you get? They are called merit badges, right?”  
“Nooooooooooo,” he moaned in mock agony, “let’s just enjoy the moment.”

Felicity lapsed back into silence but he could feel the tension in her body as she struggled to remain that way. She was a live wire lying next to him, pulsing with energy. Absentmindedly, she trailed her fingertips lightly across the unmarked skin of his lower belly. He felt his cock twitch and move in response to the random pattern she was tracing.

The rest of their waking moments were spent intertwined. He made love to her like the first night they were together in Nanda Parbat. He kept her underneath him, so that she could rest as he thrust into her in a gentle, pounding rhythm. She gasped and cried and told him over and over that she loved him.

He made his own way to his release as her body stroked him. He came with her name on his lips and his heart so full of love he could scarcely breathe.

He fell asleep with his arms around her and the scent of her surrounding him. In the morning, over coffee and room service, they made the first of several wondrous steps back to one another. Later that night, they returned home and continued that journey resolute in the knowledge that it wouldn’t be easy but they had faith in each other.


End file.
